Never Let Girls Join the Kira Investigation
by LunaDance506
Summary: The Japanese task force get a big surprise one day when three mentally unstable girls appear before them in a cardboard box. And it's all Matsuda's fault...wait, WHAT! LxOC, NearxOC, MelloxOC and a lot of Light torture. Rating may go up.
1. The Problem with Boxes

_Chapter One: The Problem With Boxes

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___

5:00 A.M

* * *

All is quiet...except for...

DING!

"DAMMIT WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!" A dirty blonde girl, still half asleep, growled at the door. The poor delivery guy decided he'd better run like hell, leaving a box on Arya's doorstep.

"What the... I didn't order anything..." She broke off when loud snoring came from inside the box. Arya growled and kicked it.

"SON OF A -BEEP!- I WAS TRYING TO -BEEP- SLEEP! I -BEEP-ING HATE BOXES!"

Arya stared at the box in complete horror. And utter confusion.

"..." She kicked the box again.

"WILL YOU -BEEP-ING STOP THAT!! WHOEVER'S KICKING THE BOX!!"

Arya decided to make herself known...to whoever was inside.

"Uh...who's in there?"

"Open the box, and you'll see..." The voice, which was obviously female, said in a creepy like voice. (Think of Higurashi)

Arya stared for a couple more minutes, then ran inside and came back with a box cutter. She sliced an opening in the top.

As soon as she did, a figure popped out. The figure turned out to be a girl about a couple years younger than her with a weird fashion sense.

"FINALLY! I'M FREE!!" The girl, who had brown hair and teal colored eyes, cried as she began kissing the ground.

"...And you are...?" Arya's brown eyes clouded with confusion. And horror. Again.

The brunette looked up from her reunion with the ground, and put on a big grin. "I'm Kay! What's your name?"

"Arya. And are you going to finish making out with the ground anytime soon?"

"...Yes, I'm done." Kay got up, picking up her baseball bat (which was covered in blood). Arya caught sight of the weapon and began eyeing it nervously.

"I hope you didn't kill anyone with that...?" Arya guessed, indicating the bloodied bat.

"...Uh...what if I did?" Kay asked with shifty eyes, hiding the bat behind her back.

Arya could feel the twitching coming on... She eyed the label on the box- big, red letters... "DO NOT RETURN TO SENDER. (NO, SERIOUSLY.)"

"...What? I got shipped from family to family, and for some reason, they all wanted to get rid of me..." Kay explained.

_I can't imagine why... _Arya thought, her left eye beginning to twitch. _This girl's a psycho..._

"So, can I stay with you?" Kay asked, immediately walking inside Arya's house without being invited in.

Arya followed after Kay. _She's getting blood on the floor..._

_**The floor you broke three plates on! Come on, it's not that clean...**_

_Shut. Up. Or no cake for you._

_**...You...Wouldn't.**_

_Try me._

Arya's inner started crying.

Kay turned to Arya and looked her straight in the eye. "Ayra..."

Ayra snapped out of her thoughts as she was making her inner cry, and looked at Kay, who's eyes had become demon like.

"Um...y-yes?" She felt another twitch coming on.

"Do you...like anime?"

Somewhere, a record stopping noise could be heard.

"U-um...yeah..." Arya started twitching again.

Suddenly, Kay produced a huge happy smile on her face. She ran foward and glomped Arya in a big bear hug.

"YAY! We're gonna be best friends!!"

The twitching got worse. _It's gonna be a long day..._

_**Tell me about it.**_

_Did I say you could talk?!_

_**Um...You did?**_

"Oh yeah, there's a fair going on today, wanna go with me?" Kay grinned happily.

"Sure...I would like to get away for a bit..."Arya nodded. Her inner started swearing.

_**What the-? She's a psycho! She could kill you! And dig you up and clone you! And kill your clones!**_

"Yay!! We're gonna have so much fun!!"

* * *

12:00 P.M.

* * *

Kay and Arya arrived at the fair, to be welcomed by a bunch of pies being thrown at them. They dodged the pies and Kay stuck her head inside a barrel of cotton candy.

"What did I tell you about huffing cotton candy?" Arya scolded like a parent.

"...It's bad and illegal and I shouldn't do it...but I will anyway..." Kay replied, sugary cotton goodness all over her face.

Out of the corner of her eye, Arya spotted a small, sour looking old lady, who reminded her of Grandma Chiyo (from Naruto), holding a leash which was attached to a small girl with dark purple hair and purple eyes.

"Mouse, come on. It's time for your treatment." The old lady said, struggling with the small girl on the leash.

"But I don't wanna get neutered! I'm not an animal!" The mouse-like girl whined, struggling to break free.

"But I don't want you to have babies..."

"I'm not an animal you senile old hag!"

Arya noticed Kay was slowly taking out her baseball bat, grinning mischieviously at the old woman.

"No. Not yet." Arya said softly, pushing back Kay's bat. "Let me deal with this."

She stormed forward, screaming, "HEY! SENILE OLD HAG!"

The old woman looked up. "Did somebody call me?"

"I'd like to buy this...girl from you."

"...How much will you pay for her?"

"Uh..."

"I'm not a thing that can just be bought! I am a human being with rights!" The girl, known as Mouse, yelled in a squeaky, high pitched voice.

"Why's your voice all squeaky?"

"I was born this way!" Mouse squealed with teary eyes.

"...So how much do you want for her?" Ayra asked again.

"I'll take twenty five dollars."

Mouse did a face fault.

"I'll get you old hag..." She muttered evilly. Sasori popped out of nowhere with a giant spear.

"Here. Get her with this." He handed it to her. She noticed he was wearing a Mickey Mouse hat and had cotton candy.

"You know this isn't Disney Land...right?"

"...A puppet can dream, can't he?" Sasori sniffled.

"Actually a puppet can't." Kay said, appearing out of nowhere, matter of factly.

* * *

A few minutes later...

* * *

Kay, Ayra and Mouse walked through the fair, getting weird stares because Kay was covered in blood. (She killed the old woman.)

Somewhere in a back alley, a man in a suit slunk around, humming the Mission: Impossible theme song. Occasionally he rolled into garbage cans and jumped into dumpsters.

A voice spoke over his communicator. "What in the hell are you doing?"

The man hid behind a dumpster."Not humming Mission: Impossible, Ryuuzaki-san..." he said, unconvincingly.

As the three girls were walking past the carasol, the man, wearing a horse costume, jumped out and tackled them to the ground. He put them in a cardboard box, sealed it up, and dropped it in the trunk of his car.

"NOO!! I'M BACK IN THE BOX!" Kay screamed in horror.

"Shut up Kay! You're hurting my ears!" Arya yelled.

"Well, Mouse is sitting on my hand!"

"Well your head is on my butt! And it is very uncomfortable!"

The man ignored the screams and complaints of the targets and pulled off the horse head.

"Mission complete." He said into his communicator.

"And how long did it take you?" The distorted voice asked unimpressed.

"...Three days..." The man mumbled sniffling.

"Just get back to Japan..."

"With the targets?"

"...Yes, with the targets..." The distorted voice replied, getting more annoyed.

"Okey dokey Ryuuzaki-san!

"And one more thing..."

"What?"

"Could you please not say...Okey dokey..."

The man sniffled, a single tear rolling down his cheek. He hopped in the car, and started it up. He put in a CD, which started playing the Mission: Impossible theme, but it malfunctioned and exploded.

The poor, unfortunate man sniffled again and drove away, the targets still complaining in the trunk.

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**A/N: There's the first chapter! Hope you loved it as much as we did! What will happen when the girls meet the task force?**

**Mouse: Very...bad things...**

(This story is a collaboration with Kawazoe Michiyo, so her characters are also in the story.)


	2. First Impressions a very bad thing

**Kay: We do not own Death Note, or any other anime or brand mentioned in this fanfic. We do however, own Mouse, Arya and myself. :3**

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_Chapter 2: First Impressions...a very bad thing_

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After about twelve hours of dealing with the complaining targets, their captor finally arrived in Japan. Stepping out of the (very expensive) taxi, he leaned back in and grabbed the box. The targets were fast asleep.

A heavy snoring escaped from inside. _Finally..._ he thought. He hoped he didn't have to walk very far to Headquarters. A very loud snore leaked out of the box, startling the man into dropping it. It landed with a loud _thud._

"SON OF A -BEEP- THAT -BEEP-ING HURT LIKE HELL!!" A scream came from the box. Matsuda looked at it nervously, then tried picking it up again, only to hear loud snoring leaking out.

"What in hell was that?" he wondered, then decided he'd try to kick the box all the way to headquarters. The screaming started up again, calling out a few words that Matsuda was sure would sting a sailor's ears.

_Is that even a girl...? She has a trucker's mouth._ Matsuda didn't want to deal with this over a long distance. But, luckily for him, the headquarters was looming over him. _Since when was __**that**__ here?_

_'How did I not notice that there??'_ Matsuda thought in confusion. A young red-haired boy came walking out of the building.

"Finally Matsuda, you made it back. We've been for six days now..." Matt said not taking his eyes off his DS.

"Hehe, sorry about that. I had some trouble finding the targets." Matsuda said rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"Did you get three random targets?"

"Yes..."

"...They're not children that you kidnapped...are they??"

"...No."

There was a short silence, then loud snoring. The two looked at each other and carried the box inside and up to a certain room.

There's only one question though...how is Matt doing this with a DS in one hand??

Why are we asking you people?? (Lol xD)

Matt silenced the authors with a swift deathglare. The snoring continued as the two climbed the stairs.

"...Matsuda?"

"Yeah, Matt?"

"...How am I doing this with a DS in one hand?"

"Hell if I know."

They get to the room, manage to get the door open after a few...difficulties (Matt used Matsuda as a battering ram), and went inside. They dropped the box on the floor, awakening the cussing girl inside, and opening it up. Immediately, Kay sprung out.

"FINALLY! FREEDOM!...Wait...this is such a deja vu moment...who cares, I'm free!!" She pranced around the room, until she spotted a certain chocolate loving blonde clad in leather. (Guess who? ;D)

She stared at the person for a moment, then immediately grabbed his head, and took a big whiff of his hair.

"WHAT THE-?!"

"Mmmm lavender. Your hair smells nice pretty leather wearing lady. :3" Kay said with a goofy smile.

Everything went silent as the leather wearing **MAN** stared at her with a look that could scare little children.

"What...did you just...call me..?"

Matt looked up in horror. "Oh crap!" And ducked behind a table. "He's gonna blow! Everybody hit the deck!"

Everyone, minus Kay, decided it'd be best to hide somewhere so Mello wouldn't kill them in his rampage.

Surprisingly, Mello did not go on an angry rampage, but instead, took out his gun (from his pants) and shot rapidly at the wall multiple times.

* * *

A few moments later...

* * *

After Mello's little...uh...episode, the task force and everyone else who was there introduced themselves to the three girls.

To say the least, Kay made the most dramatic appearance. -sweatdrop- Yes, we know she's an idiot.

Next, Arya peeked out of the box. Beside her, Mouse was still asleep. Rolling her eyes at Kay's immaturity, she pulled herself out of the box.

Her gaze locked with a certain, dark-haired insomniac. (Guess who!)

_Oh my god. He's..._

_**HOT!! **_

Blushing madly, Arya made a move towards the group. Instead, her foot caught on the side of the box and she tripped. Yes, again. She fell backwards into the box, landing directly on top of Mouse.

"..." Everyone sweatdropped.

"OW!" Mouse let out a squeal of pain. "WHAT THE -BEEP- WAS THAT ABOUT?!"

"I'm sorry...It's just...There's a hot guy out there."

"...Oh." Mouse decided she'd check it out for herself. A small, white-haired boy playing with toys caught her eye.

"Yeah...I see him." Mouse sounded dazed.

"...Which one?"

"The little, white-haired one that reminds me of a sheep. A really hot sheep. That's such a turn-on..."

Arya sweatdropped. "Uh...I'm looking at a different guy."

"Oh."

"Let's get out there before Kay causes any more damage."

Arya managed to lift herself off of Mouse and out of the box with no difficulty.

Kay was still clinging to Mello. The blonde looked like he wanted to do nothing more than shove Kay off him and make a run for it.

"Um..." He was at a loss for words. "You sniffed my hair...why?"

"It smells like lavender..."

"The bottle said _unisex,_ dammit!" The blonde growled.

"Yes, Mello...We know." Matt assured him.

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**Sorry this one is so short, we ran out of ideas for this chapter. -sweatdrop- Hopefully the next chapter will be longer.**

**Kay: Mello smells like lavender!**

**Mello: THE BOTTLE SAID UNISEX!!**

**Matt: -rolls eyes-**


End file.
